Intimacy and Gen-Z Counter Culture

 

Sebastian Conidi asks whether hedonism is really the revolution Gen Z needs. 

 

10 pages into Jack Kerouac’s On the Road, I threw it away. 

 

Sold to me as a brilliant symbol of the counter cultural movement for its depiction of liberal human freedom and cunning curiosity - it merely struck me as a misogynistic arrogant memoir in which a man thinks he is brilliant and worthy of attention just because he takes lots of drugs and has lots of sex. 

 

Much of the narrative is driven by a supposedly revolutionary hedonism as a response to  the authoritarian government. This narrative does not leave space for er a more nuanced discussion of civil rights and feminist movements as a response to that same authoritarian goverment.This is very characteristic of the era.

 

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever.” - George Orwell, 1984.

 

I think Gen-Z is starting to feel this boot on the  face constantly. We are witnessing the infiltration of fascism into Western liberal democracies, the replacement of the workforce by artificial intelligence, the theft of our cognition through devices designed to grab and burn our attention, staggering wealth inequality, unprecedented climate change that is continually ignored and the erosion of community through predatory commercial technology. We are fully aware of all these problems and how government apathy prevails in response to them. 

 

And yet. 

 

What is it that older generations are focused on? Is it building a better future? Is it ensuring that our generation will live above water, and will be able to afford a house? No. 

 

Their biggest concern is that we are not sex - drugs - rock n roll enough. Now, an older generation ignorantly rage-baiting younger generations is nothing new. Neither arecultural wars between the young and old. But when reputable sources like the Economist, The Guardian and Vice are writing headline articles about how we drink less, go out less and are supposedly in a ‘sex recession’I get frustrated.

 

ot only because these click-bait headlines often refuse to look at root causes,  such as how the youth literally can’t afford food and shelter on a minimum wage, let alone hedonistic party culture.  It is also frustrating because these narratives impose outdated and irrelevant attitudes onto a generation that - to put it lightly  - already has a lot on its plate.

 

Let’s look at the sex thing. 

 

Sex is a topic that everyone is always too scared to thoughtfully discuss , but never too scared to judgementally gossip about. I have always found that older generations seek to laude the  promiscuity and prowess of their youth over our generation, painting us as prudish and losers. They  fought for sexual liberation, only for this generation of youth , to  devolve into conservative boredom.This false nostalgia ignores the fact that their generations were sexually liberated, but also rife with sexual harassment and abuse culminating.The #METOO movement is case in point of the sexual attitudes of this generation. 

 

Gen-Z has much stronger provisions around consent, and that can only be a good thing. At the same time, a pressure for the youth to be promiscuous to prove their liberation often merely reinforces outdated patriarchal rules.

 

With more than one in five women having experienced sexual violence in Australia (the number is likely much higher) - why are older generations only concerned with the frequency of sexual relations, rather than the quality? Far right incel culture is on the rise, with alpha-male influencers preaching a similar mantra that high body counts and hedonistic sexual satisfaction are a sign of successful manhood. Extremist beliefs seep into the mainsteam  and culminate in offhand toxic comments  So, s the depiction of Gen Z as prudish and boring really what we need right now to help liberate us from the authoritarianism of our day?

 

The sexual liberation should have not been an excuse to justify vaguely consensual escapades or reframe toxic male attitudes around sex as the norm. Sexual liberation should be the right for someone to have as much or as little sex as they desire, without judgement. It feels as though the generation that supposedly opened the floodgates to non-judgemental freedom may have forgotten   what they were even trying to do in the first place.

 

Many of these surveys and studies claiming generation-wide sexual inactivity also don’t incorporate the struggles of people from queer communities or minorities who may define and understand intimacy differently.These communities also have to navigate a world in which their preference is still not necessarily wholly woven into the fabric of the mainstream.

 

While this narrative of the youth’s conservative sexuality has been doing the media rounds, there has also been constant discussion of a ‘male loneliness epidemic’. Young men are supposedly experiencing record rates of isolation, alienation and anger. I would argue that reinforcing the equation of sexual ability to manhood only sends them down this spiral further. It is that ideology, of sexual intimacy as something to be counted rather than personally navigated, that pushes men to the extremes of the internet,  where manipulative grifters take their insecurity and weaponise it to promote control and violence against women.

 

Men do not need to be told their loneliness is a result of not having enough sex. Rather, there needs to be proper discussions about how patriarchy and modern masculine standards merely isolate men more. Often it is not the sex which is lacking, it is intimacy. An intimacy they cannot find amongst their male friends due to social pressure to remain stoic and unfeeling.

The loneliness of  existing in a world where vulnerability is treated as weakness, and violence as a symbol of strength. 

 

Many men lack an understanding of how to manage relationships with women, outside of the role of sex and romance. If they can’t merely exist alongside them and view them as people, how are they supposed to possibly navigate the nuances of real sexual intimacy?

 

I want to be clear and state, this essay is not criticising people who have frequent sex or have multiple sexual partners. I celebrate these peoples’ ability to fulfil their own intimate needs. The whole point is that people should be free to do as they please and be as public or as private as they wish.My problem is when older generations equate sexual liberation with promiscuity,  and weaponise this narrative  to provoke a fear and anger in men that pushes them into the manosphere, ultimately reinforcing harmful patriarchal trends.This is not what the sexual liberation fought for.

 

Interrogating people’s sex lives should be seen as its own form of violating consent. Consent should extend beyond merely the physical realm - it can just as easily pertain to psychological distress if people’s privacy is not respected.

 

If the older generations want to impart wisdom, then it’s time to get serious. The world is undergoing an immense amount of strife. The pain of our generation is not being soothed by senseless culture wars that selfishly pour angst and hysteria into the minds of the impressionable. Rather, these media narratives  that are in the service of pathetic popularity contests and algorithmic engagement are further trapping us in sexual constraints and stereotypes.

Sebastian Conidi